Why do I feel this way when I stumble upon tweets, images, oh the images, so, so, Beau... Sigh, I almost described your image with everyday words, words thrown to and fro by the mediocre male frames of my generation, words once filled with the meaning they were meant to portray, but words I don't feel the same about because they threw them from their mouths with sinister plans hidden neatly in order to get their way.
Though let me not go astray, for I'm here to write a short chapter given to me by my heart today. a tale of how it felt as I stumbled on your page, a tale of a feeling it hasn't truly gotten in a decade, a feeling I thought was going extinct, a feeling that has me here, feeling excited, feeling... Afraid.
It saw the parts of your admirations which you chose to be known, admirations that are identical, identical to my own. The books, the love, the difference from the crowd, all of this and all of what I'm yet to explore, wrapped in a graceful being, leaving it curious, excited, wanting to know more. Yet afraid, afraid because of lessons from my past, afraid because I'm spoilt, yet never gets what I want.
Afraid because a few times my mind has come disguised as my heart, advising me on things seen, things seen, convincing me they were things felt. And somehow as whatever this is that is being copied from within me, forming words on a screen, I wonder how ironic it is that this is my first time writing since the start of twenty sixteen.
I just can't turn a blind eye, I want to send this to you tonight, my core afraid, yet set ablaze, thinking of what your thoughts might be if you read these verses of my heart. I guess the fear will win, for in a world filled with masks, I might be seen as a regular court jester posing as a King.
If only I could get to know you, but I know not how to approach a female anymore, at least not one of your kind. My generation has left me labeled, and any gesture of mine might seem fable, might seem cliche, might seem like a court jester's joke, presented in a King's way.
However my story unfolds, I will keep this warm feeling, for it has given me hope, hope that your kind exists, and that one day all the universe might see me deserving, and my happy story might finally begin...
January 20, 2016.
By Paul B.
