Stepping Up To The Plate

Stepping up to the plate, a term used in base ball where you stand on this plate even though I'm not sure why they call it that, because no one stones a plate. You have a slender bat, looking straight at, someone who is about to throw a life threatening blow, unsure of where it might hit, unsure if you aren't the target, some men are brave enough, to step up to the plate, not because they have a fetish of being hit, but because it involves that home run they crave, no better feeling, and that's the aim of the game. With that said I sit and wonder why, why are some men so afraid of trying, why take up the bat if you aren't going to step up to the plate? Everywhere I look I see the same trait. Filling out some forms and they ask whats my mother's name, I write it out, each time realizing we don't have the same last name, for whatever reason my father was a coward, I didn't get an explanation so I refuse to make an excuse for him. What makes it worst is, he didn't do it once, he did it twice, he up and left me with my mom, Christ! You "picked up the bat" when you and my mom started to date, had a child, sinned, fornicate. But where are your balls? Why'd you leave those? Afraid of marriage? Why though? It's just like baseball, it's like taking a risk, someone might get hurt, but all you gotta do is swing right, forget the three strikes, you have your whole life to make it right, wouldn't you like that home run, living happily with your family, seeing the achievements of your son? Why'd you leave? You couldn't be there for her, but, not even me? You taught me something, even though you weren't here, you taught me how much I would miss out on if I picked up the bat and then turned the other way, you taught me to face my responsibilities and my fears, for they're what could lead to my happy ending and my well being, they say nothing good ever comes easy, so I see marriage and raising your flesh and blood right up there, right up there with the good things, and it's been made so much easier by seeing the outcome of others, so it's not totally stepping into the unknown, it's more like stepping up to the plate, you know the two outcomes that might occur, but you want one so bad that you're willing to risk it, to be called a husband, to be called a dad. Gentlemen, the game is about getting a home run, it's not about picking up the bat and then run, you gotta take the risk first, be seen as a man, and not as a jock, or a jerk. Step up to the plate, see what life's really worth. 

By. P.Peddie

October 13, 2013. 

I can feel you slipping away...

Has the spaces between my fingers grown wider? Has my hugs gotten loose? Has the bond that has kept us together grown weaker? Then why do I feel like I'm losing you?

 I can feel you slipping away....

Tried my best, used all I knew, but somewhere along the line I started losing you. Fought all the battles, even shot down my pride, but whats the sense if mine is dead, while yours is still alive? 

I can feel you slipping...

Through my fingers, not my heart, lord sure knows I hate this part. As the pirates would say "Shiver me timbers", for I'd be surprised if a day I'd wake far from bewildered. 

I can feel you...

Arms around me, face pressed to my chest, feels like just yesterday, an embrace of such tenderness. Waking from my dream, feeling you close, yet as I turned around, not even close. I miss you here, please help me alleviate this pain. 

I can feel...

My heart is breaking again, thoughts of losing my lover, thoughts of losing my friend. Far from appeasing, far from my heart's desirings. 

I can...

Fix this I shall, or so I thought, tried and tried but only tore us further apart. This brings headaches, trickling tears, mind set apart. I can try once more, to salvage our start. 

I...

All I can do is wait, try my best, hope I'm not too late. I can leave it to God, try to find my mistakes, but that's all I can do, I must try to remain sane. 

P.Peddie

15/09/13

Confusion, Complexity, Completion...

Confusion, Complexity, Completion...
Confusion, the thoughts going through my brain, Confusion, as to all this pain, Confusion, trying to figure out if its a change or if I'm going insane... Confusion when I try to find words to say, Confusion, when my Confused state brings the one I love pain... Confusion, for the thoughts I get at night, for the things that run across my sight, for the hurt I feel from things I wish WEREN'T real, for the hurt I feel from the things I wish WERE real, for the things that cause this confusion, for the things that cause this pain, for the things that cause this pain, for the things that cause this pain. Confusion, Confusion, for the state you might be in after you read this page... Confusion...
Confusion, Complexity, Completion...
Complexity, Complexity, The Complexity of the things I wish to say, of the mood I try to portray. The Complexity, of the way you go by day by day doing this so easy like its all in the work of a day, The Complexity of all that's jam packed in those two words when I say "I'm ok". The Complexity of the first paragraph, of this poem, I try to put all I'm feeling not in a easy way, but in The Complexity of how I've been feeling each day. The Complexity of what we have and what we will have after a few days, of how we do it, of how u do it, for I thought wrong, that it would be as easy for me as is for you until The Complexity came in every other word I said except the three that mattered most except the three, except the three, except the "I love you", except those three, except every thing else that had The Complexity... The Complexity of the poem I hope you can dismantle until all I've said has been brought to ease minus all The Complexity...
Confusion, Complexity, Completion...
Completion, of this poem is near, of the things I wanted to say jumbled like a puzzle yet missing some pieces making the Completion of the things I wanted to say not Complete until I find that strength I had before to bring the Completion of this Confusion or this Complexity... Completion of the things I wish, of the things I pray, I wish one day for the things I pray to happen today, for it leaves me Confused as I know this poem might you, but The Complexity of Life shall one day be broken into easy pieces but until that day of Completion we shall try to find the truth from all the Complexity to minus all the Confusion as I know you will do in reading this poem, as I ask you to not be Confused when I give you the Complexity of my Love. It all leads to the Completion, The Conclusion that I love you in so many ways even if it hurts to see you leave me for days and I get Confused of The Complexity of the Love you express and the Completion of the smile you put on my face... And as I reach the true Completion I ask of you, never leave me Confused, as we carry on the Complexity of the life we live, and assure me the Completion of it, assure me I won't fall, but in the end stand happy, in the end stand tall... Confusion, Complexity, Completion...

*somewhere about 2 and a half years ago, about 2011, trying to explain to my love how I felt* 

 

The Journey

Traveling day by day, trying to reach a destination which has no directions on the way, at times I feel near, at times I feel I’m nowhere…

I know not the look of this place I’m trying to reach, but I’ll know when I get there. And even though at times it seems my troubles and trials have me weak, although at times I feel like giving up and accepting defeat, I always remember that smooth seas do not make skillful sailors, so I take my troubles and trials and try to be strong, because I know day by day they’ll make me into that person I want to become, that very one, vigorous, strong, wise and in command…

I shall continue to fight even after I’ve fallen to my feet, for I was taught wise words from a tender age, “Fortis Cadere Cedere Non Potest” translating, “The brave may fall but never yield” and even though success is easily forgotten when overshadowed by defeat, I shall be the one to remember for its that same feeling I got from success that will be the motivation I need, for its that same feeling I’ll always be after, for I like the feeling I got, the feeling of success, best among the lot… 

So I shall forever fight, I’ll be that frog that fought with his last breath even while being devoured by the stork, I’ll keep fighting to the end until i reach my unknown destination… Until my journey ends, and I’ll try and take with me, families and friends, but with or without them, my journey continues, my journey will not end, until I’ve finished, until I’ve finished my purpose in the end…

By P. Peddie

April 06, 2011

Having a lover as a best friend

Having a lover as a best friend, greatest thing to have, see it strengthens your relationship and the friendship hand in hand. Chilling in the days, sexing in the night, having my lover as my best friend, always in my sight.

Best I ever had... 

And then reality hits...

We're having problems in the relationship, what would everyone else do? Go to your best friend to tell the tale, breathe some sighs, get some form of release, explain your side to see if you were wrong, listen to the advice and make changes as you go along. 

What do I do though? Since my best friend is the one to all my love is shown? Who do I run to? What shoulder do I have should the need arise to cry, I can't run to my niggaz, they'll know not how to reply. I thought this was a good thing but now it leaves questions in my eyes... 

What shall happen if this takes the wrong route? Is it possible to save one egg if the basket falls to its doom? Is it possible to save my friendship if the relationship has a Titanic effect? Who do I lose ,if I should lose? Do I even get a chance to choose? I want the one that'll last forever, i don't want to lose it all, never... 

But can I truly live with my request? If we be lovers can I find sincere friendship? Is it possible for me to keep you as a friend, knowing that we once were lovers and might never be again? Why am I thinking so selfish, what about you? Is any of this things you'd wish to do? 

Having my lover as my best friend, a beautiful thing in the beginning but can be a tragedy in the end, but be not dismayed by my tragic thoughts, live your life and make your decisions from your heart.

Having my lover as my friend, the story continues, hope it never ends. 

07/09/13

Deja Vu

All too familiar these days, all too familiar these nights, the domino effect, quite evidently in effect, Uggh I need a break, thought it would be different on the next take. 

That meeting at work brought back some very unpleasant memories, though in a different form it surely feels the same, wish it was a dream, from which I could awake, pinched myself a few times, fuck! To my dismay...

One aspect of my life though unlike the past seems to stand firm, but I know the cause of that, and it's like a painkiller to a migraine, temporary relief, normally very brief. 

Glad I'm seeing this meteor of problems through my scope as it makes its way, glad it's not like before when it came in stealth, glad I can make preparations before everything melts, though no preparations ever seem enough, any amount to ease the impact will surely be enough. 

Picked up a new attitude of late, and I thinks that's God at work right away, he pulled me through before and I got faith he'll pull me through again, so regardless of this déjà Vu, my sanity shall remain. 

06/09/13

IF WE WERE TO PART

If we were to ever part, all I would think about is what we should have been, could have been, but lost because of misunderstanding.

Two separate beings, with separate views, clashing at times with separate tunes, but on a separate note, we make beautiful songs, one for all, and all for one.  

I know when we're at odds you think I don't care, maybe because I refuse to throw my feelings in the air, maybe not as many as you might bear, but as a man I sit here wiping away these few trickling tears...

If we were to part, it might once again take apart, my slowly but surely rehabilitating heart, It quivers as I write this part. 

I hope we don't part, for I love this book, although I hate this part, lets make more pages, lets engrave it on our hearts. 

06/09/13

Welcome

Welcome to my blog, I will post poems I did in the past and present and random blog posts about who knows what lol, stick around, this might get interesting :)