Love Evanesced

How can I put into words what I feel? Could this be real? That I'm lost for words with all these emotions I feel? I guess I'm just overwhelmed, sinking, drowning within myself...

How should I view myself? When my past keeps telling me I'm a wonderful individual, just not enough, just never enough, always second to someone that's sometimes even fifteen places behind. Its always a little too late, a little too early, or a pretentious reality that lives it's short life and leaves me behind...

Why am I treated so unkind, by something that engulfes me within, by something that keeps me together, something that brings me to life, yet rips me apart and leaves me behind, keeping a small flame burning so I can find its trail, so I can find my way and fall again, so I can fall and not be caught, so I can hurt, soul to core, left to be burdened by these thoughts, left to mend my already tattered heart...

I keep seeing how strong I am,  cause I keep picking myself up and as if programmed,  go again. Yet so stupid to again, try to fly, after having fallen so many times. But nothing burns such a raging fire within me, such a beautiful yet dangerous flame, such an intriguing and mysterious display, something from which I can't refrain.

And as time continues, I stop asking questions, for as sad as it feels I see no other path for me, and no matter how broken, I will eventually mend, and I will go again, for love flows through my veins, and though it's the fire that burns my core, it's the rain that moistens my soul.

By Paul B. Peddie
Sept. 18, 2015.

Classic Man by Paul B. Peddie

You know,  meet up sometime,  say hi,  depending on the mood,  maybe you need some affection before we go in the nude,  maybe you're lacking it cause he ain't packing it,  or maybe you like my package better than the one you got at home. Open it up, you're just as surprised as you've been on the first night, damn its fun to see that look in your eyes. Like a kid opening a gift on Christmas,  but for half the whole year. You hog it like it's yours,  you don't wanna share,  but I understand,  you aren't the only one,  it happens all the time.

I'm a classic man,  not the ones you used to,  so even though we just pleasing each other,  you'd never feel like I'm using you.  I didn't know I was this strong,  I touched with a single finger and you flooded the lawn,  now we at it everywhere,  from dusk till... hold up, where the sun at?  Time sure does fly when you're having fun,  and now it's time you leave before you know who starts calling hun.

Can we fuck all night till things get right?  I swear sometimes it feels like I'm hitched,  gotta check my finger, no, not the I don't fuck with you finger, but the one that has a more subtle meaning to it, to see if I went ahead and did it. I wouldn't be surprised cause sometimes when we fucking I feel so alive,  like I'd ask you,  like I'd say I do,  like I'd take the condom off and start a future with you. Why you getting mad about pictures?  So what's wrong if I even had something with her?  Sometimes I swear you forget,  that I ain't for you and you ain't single yet.  Did I just say yet?  There I go again,  must be reminiscing on Friday night again,  excuse me miss,  I'm a classic man,  I'll try not to do it again.

I like to go deep but I don't wanna get too deeply involved,  cause when these things end memories come along. Without an invite they reach inside, in the days but mostly in the nights, you're seeing things that aren't in sight.  I've been there, I've done that,  yes I've done that,  but I don't wanna do that no more. Lemmi message you, turn that from green to blue girl,  so I can tell you I want you saying my name tonight,  so you can tell me I just made your panties wet and made your night.   When you get here you probably tell me it's alright,  it's alright I can come inside,  got me thinking like isn't this my house,  then what the hell you talking bout?  But if I had to think that far then I just wouldn't be me, I know you just crazy telling me you wanna bring a son for me. Sometimes I don't know when to take you serious,  you gonna keep messing around until we have to take this serious.

Like seriously? Why am I getting so fond of you, why is the fucking so strong between us two? I wish I was the only one who made you squirt like a water gun,  but you said it's happened before, but who knows,  maybe you just don't wanna swell my head no more. Ha,  this shit funny though,  like why am I even thinking about this,  I'm crazy for sure,  but I gotta keep my guard up,  don't wanna tear my heart up,  so now I gotta breeze you,  I'm sorry I don't mean to,  but I'm a classic man,  can't let things get outta hand,  worst when it's me who stands to lose.

Don't worry though cause we'll be fucking soon, you can't get enough of me and I can't get enough of you, so fuck all the thinking,  I'm thinking let's fuck,  there's never any bad vibes when I'm tearing it up, so come here baby let me treat you like you're mine, atleast for the weekend until whenever next you're mine. You're such a bad girl it turns me on, I can't believe just writing this gave me a hard on,  I'm kinda rude you gotta see with me,  I'm a classic man but I'm a human being.

By Paul B. Peddie
August 21, 2015

The Golden Rule by Paul B. Peddie

Schools we are sent, to learn, hours spent, a price we must pay, to learn "The right ways",  do unto others, as you would have them do unto you, do not fight, do not steal, keep your environs clean. That's the first step,  meaningful, what's next? Words and numbers stressed to the core, you go up a next level,  where they are stressed some more... combine them all and that's all you'll need,  you'll be in the right direction, God speed.

As a child it seemed alright, sometimes annoying because play time gets cut, slice by slice. It's like the older you get, play time gets less, but as you grow you see logics behind the route they show. Grow some more and you see you were thinking as you were, a mere child, and everything else was simply around you in boring disguise. 

So you find meaning as you proceed, and your thought process broadens like the sea, you start to see beyond the surface, and like an eagle the minor details come clearly. Conflicts start to arise, for what you've been taught doesn't match what you're seeing with your eyes. Things taught in schools, "The Golden Rules" aren't being kept, by those who have recieved a great deal of the achievements you seek, parts of the Golden Rule they preach.

The leaders, that lead, their actions deceive, or rather their words, because as they say, they do not do, for wars are flourished, to rule over things not owned, lives are taken, more, and more than before. It angers them if someone tries the same, to rule over anything in their possession of fame. They tell you smoking is bad for your health, but what of thier factories and transports? They speak on cruelty to animals, yet they kill them for sport,  they teach you about sharing, yet they let so much go to waste, with knowledge of children,  the next generation, having not eaten for days.

I could go on and on, but I would be wasting time, now do your part, for I have just done a part of mine. We need to behave like we are smarter than we once were, stop showing me papers, your intelligence shall spill out in the actions you show. Though I am a single man and the change is hard to come from I alone,  children live what they learn, so I will be helping the generations to come for sure.

Your life is a lesson, but more so a teaching to others, so what will you teach them? Let's instill "The Golden Rules" and stop acting like educated fools.

By P. Peddie
August 11, 2015. 

Your Type - By Paul B. Peddie

We seem so good together, we'd make a real good team, you keep me smiling, even when the world's coming down on me. Sometimes it gets so high, that I simply forget, then the reminders come harsh, it quickly pricks my heart, but then you make me smile, then it all starts again...

Tell me why I always fall for your type, I don't go looking, and yet I find. This time I told myself I'm just gonna live in the moment, soak up the enjoyment while it lasts, yet I get so engulfed in it all, slowly losing my resistance, falling deep in it all, wise enough to know I might hit rock bottom, yet loving it so much that I watch myself descend, unsure if I'm gonna get caught or fall until I break my own heart.

A modern day fairy tale, known for no happy endings, unsure of what's going through your mind, unsure of what's going through mine. You seem so real, you seem so true, but how could it be if I'm sleeping with you? I ask for reasons, yet none seems enough, but I tell myself it is, because I'm loving this so much.

You'll never know the trips my mind takes, no company, just a lonely trail. I know this is wrong, by what I've been taught, but it feels so right, by the feeling in my heart. How long can I keep up? How long before it tears me up? You might never be mine, he might get it right this time, if you're happy then that would be good, but I'm trying not to be left behind, understood?

How long do I sit in the shadows and watch you call his name, this feels all too familiar, Deja Vu again. Why do I always fall for your type? I don't go looking, but yet I find...

By Paul B. Peddie
May 21, 2015

Tangled - By Paul B. Peddie

 

When your heart's all tangled and your life's in shambles, yet you smile through the chaos and you dare all the gambles. When you have no direction and you're just rolling down the road, when you're living a life you're sure you can't afford, but you pull up your socks and lace up your shoes, and you live the lie cause it's the only truth...

 

When you're sitting in a room where everything's ablaze, and you're only being saved by the drench of your tears. When you become so numb that you no longer feel the lashes of your peers, and you pay no attention to your childish fears, you just sit and smile through the insomnia and the mental strains...

 

When your happiness is placed in someone's else's palms, and they squeeze it tighter while staring through your soul, with no remorse, heart freezing cold, when they look you in the eyes and tell you they love you, then pierce you through the heart and leave you lying on the floor, yet you never give up and go on to love some more...

 

When you're not sure if you're a genius or you're going insane, when you're not sure if you're less, or a cut above the rest, if you're truly happy or you're faking happiness, but nothing troubles you and everything does at the same damn time, so you go to sleep and leave it all behind, for you think that's your getaway, but even sleeping is a mess, for you only have nightmares, seldom happiness...

 

When you face the world regardless, and you smile the hardest, and your heart isn't hardened, and you ask for no pardon, and you pick your heart up and you try to untangle, and though it's the hardest you don't tie it around your neck and strangle, you just untangle and let it dangle. And though you've had more than you can handle, you let the blade go and you take the handle, for life is what you make it, even if you fake it, and everyday is a challenge, you just can't shake it, so you take it by the hand and firmly shake it, in agreeance to try until you make it, that's when you'd have control, of the tangle, and grab the hands of your troubles, and enjoy the tango. 

 

By Paul B. Peddie

April 16, 2015. 

The Mysterious Mermaid by Paul B. Peddie

And there I came, to a beach so pristine, beautiful sands, marvelous yet mysterious seas, I was without sandals so I could feel at home, for I dreamt you saying, your home is my own. The golden sands caressed my feet, it told me to sit, lest I became weak. I sat and filled my eyes, with the beauty of a place I once fantasized, waiting to see you, waiting to give purpose to my eyes...
Silky long hair glistening with the golden gleam of the sun, big bright beautiful eyes, aquamarine, and filled with love. A smile so bright it warms the coldest of hearts, a touch so soft it brings back memories not yet made, of a time we once kissed, but a time that has not yet came...
My eyes felt complete, they visually caressed you, from the crown of your head, (so fitting since I viewed you as a queen), to where your body came complete, (even more fitting since I've never beheld such a graceful being). The mystery of your depth engulfed my entirety, I then yearned to know more, to be one with your being...
I stepped out a little too deep... I slipped... I fell... In love with your being... It all seemed so perfect, it all felt so unreal, I became mute, unsure of how to express all these emotions i feel. As your eyes pierced through my soul, I felt naked, like love when its true, I felt whole, my heart said it now belongs to you...
There came the conflicts of interest, for your heart dwelled elsewhere, I could see it in your eyes, you know our love would be tragic, so you just smiled, but that only engulfed me deeper, into a world I now created in my mind, a world where you breathed perfectly, and I didn't drown from inside. I smiled back, not only on my face, but also my heart this time, I wanted to be with you, like the corals I wanted to protect your world, a world I wish I could make mine.
I had to watch you swim away in the sunset, so gracefully, as a tear fell from my eye, it hurt so much to watch you leave, but I knew you'd be back in time, but that hurt me just a bit more, theres no surity it will be as I longed for, but I'd rather see you now and then, a mysterious friend, than to risk one of us's end. Though I know a day might come, when I walk straight into those mysterious seas, just to feel how true happiness feels, even if it kills me, I'd die happily, I'd die a death worthy of me.
My hope in love, the reason I grip on still, swim back to me mermaid friend, I'll meet you as far as I can swim, then we'll decide, if its within your pristine world, we'll forever reside, or you'll be the cure to mine, and no longer will the depths of my soul I'll be forced to hide...
Mar. 12, 2015
By Paul B. Peddie

Sexual Cravings - By Paul B. Peddie

Temperatures rising, hearts start racing, photo finish, let's start the love making. Let's ignore our nervous system, let's get straight to the kissing, lets find out what we've both been missing.
   
Kiss me all over, leave my neck, go past my shoulder, you can spend some time with my nipples, but girl go lower. I know you like my abs, kiss every one, keep on going, you're close to your destination.
   
I don't need to tell you how to handle the tip, work this canvas, your tongue's your tool girl, make art with it, paint on your King, you rule. I'll watch until my pupils turn pupils, then you can take them to school, teach them something new, the golden sex rule.
   
Taste until your taste buds no longer knows the taste of food, only my skin. Rest your being, its time for me to begin, close your eyes, you'll feel this from within. One can play, two and three makes it more fun, but four play is what I'm about today.
   
When I sink deep inside, and feel your legs start to shiver, my skin under your nails, pain the body forgot to deliver. Creamy covered thighs, passion within your eyes, sensuous cries, sweat dripping, teeth clenching, lip biting, stroke fighting happiness.
   
When we first decided to come together, we had no clue we would cum together, like birds of a feather we flocked together, partners in crime, we hit the jackpot this time. I want to make this forever, but nothing lasts that long, so come ride me baby, call me Kevin Hart, I'll Ride Along.
   
You scream my name in all genre of songs, it touched my body, made me stroke faster at once. A high pitched note, followed by what felt like an earthquake, but beautifully rhythmed, and now the neighbors know my name. We passed cloud nine and went to explore, we cuddle as we came down from the high, not falling, but float.
   
Let's create this scene, any place, any time, let's make love baby, leave your cares behind, clear your mind and let's enjoy this moment in time, let me feed you, your cravings will be satisfied...
   
By P. Peddie
February 20, 2015.
  

A Broken Heart's Smile -By Paul B. Peddie

I could instantly lose my heart again, if you don't let my attention go, I could give love a chance again, if you keep on showing these signs you show. You could be my next mistake, or you could be my forever, beginning today, and thats a chance i'd be willing to take...
   
Your beauty knows no bounds, atleast not in these eyes of mine, your lips get me so aroused, I feel every bit of it, every verb, every noun. Looking like the inside of a rose, I wonder how they'd feel on mine, I'm dying to know, will you let me fall, or will you give me a taste of what I crave, who knows? 
   
All my love, I still have it right here, I tried to give it to someone else but it seems it just wasn't theirs. Try my love baby, and lets see if its what you seek. Your picture  has me captivated, my eyes want to see nothing more, I wasted a time you were in my presence, I should've expressed myself more, I should've took the leap of faith, I should've tasted those lips I craved, what would your reaction be? Would you have cried shame on me, or would you have kissed me passionately? 
   
We've both been hurt sometime before, but I see our experiences as lessons so we don't make those mistakes if we ever open this door. I have something unique, a love rarely seen in the streets, come experience my offering, come experience how true loving feels. 
   
Whatever your decision might be, i'll see you no differently, let it not be too late, let us not toy the hands of faith, let's share each others time, let's see where it takes us, let's mend each others heart sometime.
   
By P. Peddie 
December 8, 2014. 

Core Negotiations

Placid sleep, mind at ease, two steps forward from where I have been. Resting in my cradle, body and mind relieved, thinking of tomorrow, motivation at its peak.
   
"Attack!" I jumped from my sleep, "Attack!" Hysteria overtook me, "Attack!" I had nowhere to go, it had me cornered, caught off guard, I should've known. 
   
I slept unguarded, no sword no shield, thought it wasn't needed, we had a deal. We talked, we negotiated, what did all that mean? Though the peace treaty had been signed, it still attacked me from behind.
   
It swept through, left no memory unturned, pain like I never felt, I wished to my body, but with my mind it dealt. 
   
This wasn't my fault, why do I always get attacked? Didn't I do all I could? Cut me some slack! How long will this continue? Don't you see what its doing to us? 
 
The negotiation began again, I pleaded for my life, I layed the evidences out, it took me all night. In the end, a new peace treaty was signed, but as for sleep, it never felt the same again. 
   
When will it be again? When will this war really end? I have too many battles to fight, I need a break, I need to sleep at night. I need someone to watch my back, for I never know, when my heart's memories will attack...
   
By Paul B. Peddie
January 21, 2015.