Internal Advice by Paul B. Peddie

What's the matter Paul? Why do you seem so lonely? Can't you
      see I'm here for you? I always have been... How many people
      have entered your life and told you they'd never leave? Where
      are they now? Who remains? 
   

      Why does another stream of tears flow down your face? Can't
      you see that things won't change? Why don't you pull me a
      little closer? Why don't you find a mirror and look me in the
      face? 
   

      I am as hurt as you are, I feel all you feel, we have spoken
      so many times before, we have given advice a thousand times
      and more, yet when I speak to you, you use the pain to shut
      me out. We need to move past this, we have a lot to do, let's
      not stick here any longer, its time we stopped thinking about
      the hurt and the disappointments, its time we pulled
      through. 
   

      We can't prevent this from happening again, let's just make
      that clear, but we can change how we handle it, let's start
      right here. For people change like the weather, and we don't
      always get what we deserve, but remember there's always a
      higher power, who sees all and knows our worth. 
   

      You'll always have me, I have never left, let's pull
      ourselves together, we are destined for greatness. Just
      remember that smooth seas don't make skillful sailors,
      remember all the advice we used to give, let's take some from
      ourselves, let's go on and truly live. 
   

      No one knows you like I do, no one understands, and I know
      what you're capable of, you just haven't fully realized it
      yet, but you've always been on the right path, you just need
      to continue and not be slowed down by the worries of our
      heart. This is you speaking, no you're not getting mad, this
      is your self conscious, your inner being, telling you, you're
      still in command. 
   

      Keep on fighting, don't put down your crown, others might not
      believe in you, but that's just motivation to push you
      harder, not to push you around. You've got most of it figured
      out, let's not lose hope, dry your tears and retake control
      of your kingdom. You're only getting wiser, let these
      disappointments teach you wisdom, let's say a prayer now and
      leave it, all you can do, has been done. 
   

      By P. Peddie
     December 10, 2014
 

Daddy Where Were You? - By P. Peddie

Where were you when i was just a boy, when i got my first toy? Where were you to teach me stuff? Morals & norms, mandatory stuff that would enable me not to turn into a cruff*. Where were you when times were rough, to console me or even just to say hush? What about father-son day at school? What did you expect me to do? i felt so ashamed, jealous, i felt so blue... When the other kids used to tell fun stuff about their dad, I had to make things up. What about sex? Who was to tell me the dos and don'ts? Surely not mom, she didn't know how to to bring those stuff to her son. Its a good thing my uncle was there, i guess that's why i love him so dear. But that didn't stop it from happening and now i blame you for all the happenings!! "What Happened?" you now ask, You'll never know!! You should've been there from the start, and now all that's in my past. If i should continue about the things you've caused, It would take me a book to finish that part... I'll never believe any excuse you use, and don't tell me about money, because you had it to buy your booze! Thats how i'll remember you, by the raise of a bottle or a glass and thats where i'll leave you, like an alcoholic beverage on the bottom shelf, like a bad memory in my past. And when all my struggles are over and my success is about to start, giving my 'thank-yous' you won't even be in my thoughts. And when we cross paths I'll ask, "Daddy, where were you?" I hope you answer truthfully and say "Son, in a rum bar.".

By P. Peddie
April 12, 2009.

Broken Symphony by Paul B. Peddie

They say time heals all wounds, but time only flys when you're having fun, so it seems like a long time until it heals this one, and I sit and everything reminds me, people, phrases, even songs. 

And I wonder why we didn't make it through, and I sit and put two and two together, I only got four, but I really wanted forever. I hear that Bruno Mars song, and tears stream down my face, because I did all those things, yet it seems I still wasn't good enough, to be the one... 

I bought you flowers, I held your hands, gave you all my hours, when I had the chance, maybe it was the parties, maybe I didn't let you dance, but I really did all I could've done, when I was your man.  

And now I'm left to wish you all the best, while I pick up the pieces, while I search for happiness, maybe one day I'll see through it all, but right now I'm just trying, not to make it take my all. 

I sent a kiss with the midnight air, hope it reaches you, hope you remember I cared, I hope he makes you happy, good night and good bye my best friend, my lover, and now a memory I hold so dear. 

By P. Peddie 

Dec. 4, 2014.

Homeless Happiness by Paul B. Peddie.

The sun hugged and kissed me, told me its time to rise,  and though I woke with physical pains, I was feeling rather happy inside. I wish I could sleep a little longer but from the sun's  warm kisses I could not hide. 

My stomach ached from the emptiness inside, but like a contagious yawn, my wide smile shun bright. Unsure of what the day has to offer, I keep a positive mind, after all, there must be a reason why I'm still alive. 

I might not have a roof to call my own, but in my thinking, this whole world is my own. Like a nomad I roam, calling everywhere my home, my daily search for food, and somewhere to rid the smell from my skin and my clothes. 

I ask of those more fortunate than myself, as they go about their complicated lives, I see some looking stressed to the core, I wonder how much harder could they have it, than the hardship I've known. Sometimes I strip them with my eyes, and get dressed in their clothes, to see what it would be like, to wear garments without holes.

Sympathy fills my eyes for all their heads that hang low, while I find reason to raise mine, the simplest of things makes my eyes glow. I give thanks for each day I make it through alive, finding food and trying to survive, if only they could see, how much more they have to be thankful for, they'd be even more happy than I'd ever be. 

Some say I'm mad, confused at why I'm smiling each day, why to face another day I feel glad, but if being sane means having so much and only complaining about more, then I wanna be insane forever, I sleep better even though its on the floor. 

By P. Peddie 

November19, 2014. 

Foofaraw by Paul B. Peddie.

Oh the price we pay, to live the way we live each day...  We all want to be "different",  yet we never seem to indagate the true meaning of such a lifestyle, or the road we're all headed. 

It's no longer about happiness, but about being "different" from others in the way we talk and the way we dress. Yet when the smoke starts to clear, few will see it clear, that in our fight to be "different" we are all just being the same. 

Our paths are set by what others think, by their opinions of the life everyone else lives. The clothes we wear, the color of our skin, the texture of our hair, the places we've been. We live to please, strangers and friends, yet we never consult who truly matters, ourselves... 

It has happened for so long now, that we truly don't know ourselves, for in our quest to be different, we've been busy being someone else. It will take some true soul searching, some silence, some time to ourselves, to see that some of us actually like the color blue, and not the color red. 

The color red was chosen when we found out that blue was taken by someone else, that same person from which we've been trying to be so "different", not realizing that obviously there aren't enough colors available for us to have one to ourselves, inevitably by everyone trying to be different, we are simply being alike and losing ourselves. 

Spend some time with the person that matters the most, find out the stuff you truly like, relax and be yourself, fear not critiques, friends nor foes, just live, truly start to live, that's when you'll see the difference...

By P.Peddie 

November 14, 2014. 

A Woman's Reparation - by P. Peddie

Her heart open, her legs open, her ears, her eyes, her arms opened, made known to you more than you even know yourself, all this in exchange for love, all this in exchange for the little you can give to compensate for more than she has to give. 

See she knows nothing but everything about you, your needs, your deeds and best believe your unknown qualities. She loses herself trying to gain what was promised at the inception of your bond, just the least of what you can give, not from your wallet but from your heart. 

She couldn't change the world, she couldn't make it like you wish, time after time she's thought about it, the words you utter in conversations you both have, the dreams you dream of the world you must have. She couldn't change it, because she didn't own the world, but she thought how she had a world of her own, and so she started there, she made it your own. She changed her world so it would suit you, she helped you into your clothes, the ones that best suites you. All this, in exchange for the least you could give, all this in exchange for things promised. 

Like a sidekick she's there, not stealing your shine but helping to pick up the little things you've left behind. "Honey here's your keys, don't leave your documents, don't forget to eat." 

Sometimes she cries, often times she wonders why, why can't she receive the love she deserves, why can't she receive the least of what you got, a kiss good night, a hand stretched forth, a listening ear, an absorber for her tears. She thinks about things she tries to forget, things she's only done because she thought it brought you happiness. 

It's almost 8, you're running kinda late, she dries her tears, hides her fears and finds her cape. She resumes her duties, her unpaid duties, her unappreciated, never duplicated, in the streets, beneath the sheets, her domesticated, duties. In a bid to one day receive, a woman's reparation. 

By P. Peddie

June 8, 2014.

Change by P. Peddie

I strive desperately to make this change, for I refuse to live by the malicious words and teachings of men for all my years. 

When did "I love you" become "I own you"? For as long as I can remember, it has only been shaded by the ulterior motives of men. 

I want to live genuinely, but it will be hard, because everyone around me is caught or is more so caught in their web of confusion and therefore will not understand my stance. 

When will we live fully? We daily live by the expectations of others, preventing us from taking the route we truly wish to. I have started this journey, and though it will take a little time, I will live whole one day eventually. 

I just want to try and live differently, this new way which seems so right, to see people for who they are, pay more attention to what they have to say, take a different perspective everyday, for mankind has given us blinkers, limiting our line of vision, I am ripping mine off. 

Hard as ever will this journey be, because of the reaction to something new by everyone around me, but someday they'll slowly see, the difference in the life I live, the difference in me. 

A change is coming, the man in my mirror, maybe who I'm truly supposed to be, is coming out, while I lock away this man made version, a change is coming, a change in me. 

By. P. Peddie

October 16,2014. 

Silent Killer

Just how powerful are the words that comes from our mouths? Powerful enough to bring light to darkness, powerful enough to cause death. But we weren't given our mouths to utter words that cause death, therefore its how we use them that determines just how great they are. 

They say if you don't have anything good to say then say nothing at all, but when I examine that statement I end up disagreeing with it. Silence is sometimes more deadly than the words we use, the next time you have nothing good to say you better search again, because saying nothing might make things really worst in the end. 

Do you want to know how deadly your silence can be? Then hear the cry of another and pretend not to, just go selectively deaf and that might cause death. For if you see me asking for directions and because of the texture of my hair or the clothes that I wear, because of the color of my eyes or the color of my skin, because of whatever reason you choose to close your mouth and turn your chin, don't be surprised when I show up on your tv, missing, then found dead in some bushes for whatever reason. Don't be surprised, go look into the mirror and look yourself into your own eye, because believe it or not, you just killed. 

By saying nothing you just unleashed the killer in you, might as well you had pulled a gun out and did it yourself. For if all I need are kind words to rid my mind of the devil, kind words to conquer his voice that keeps telling me its easier not to be alive, conquer his voice that keeps telling me to end my own life, if you stay silent you have helped him win, yes, you can blame yourself, for you too have just sinned. 

There is so many scenarios I could show you, to let you see how much harm your silence can do, so speak up and let your words be true, encourage someone in need, tell them of God, and he'll do the rest indeed. Make your words have purpose, for they too can harm, but saying nothing does no good, for silence is never any help to the oppressed, only the oppressors. 

So let your voice be heard! Let your words be true, let them be praises, encouragement, let them save lives instead of ending them! Be a savior and kill the killer in you, speak it into being and help yourself too.  

By P. Peddie

July 25, 2014. 

"Baby" Mother

Twelve and fifteen, barely grown, barely seeing what life has to show... Responsibilities few, so hard to hold onto, yet they go for the ultimate one, the responsibility of a newborn. 

Who shall instill morals and norms into the mind of the young? When it hasn't yet been taught to the one who now holds the title, mom. 

The one they call dad, still caught up in his life of being a lad, mind not settled, still out courting, slowly she becomes a single mother... Poor thing. 

Lessons she's supposed to teach, lessons she's yet to meet, so she does the best she can, all she's learned from playing with her dolls, thinking that alone will suffice the lessons to be taught to the newborn lad. 

Baby starts crying, but a bottle doesn't work this time, an hour has passed, she keeps trying, but nothing helps, so she starts to cry herself. 

Dials from her toy, the thing that once got all her attention, from her cellphone, the toddler's grandmother for help. Too busy for her as she was growing up, the things she's missed out on because of her daughter's birth, trying to catch up, still busy for her grandchild in need, daughter starts to learn life's lessons, life lesson indeed. 

With nothing else to do, and her child turning blue, to the doctor she goes, with tearful eyes and hopeful thoughts. Doctors gone a couple minutes now, comes back with good news, said the child only needed burping. "How old are you?", "Nineteen Doctor", trying to sound more mature, would've believed too, but her ID says otherwise, just a fifteen year old's lie. 

"We have a program here on Saturdays if you'd like, it's for mother's like yourself, to give you some insight." She takes up the offer, in a bid to make a change, but how long will she attend? Before her partying rage, before she takes up her mother's trend. 

Children having children, a fast mirrored trend, when will this be corrected if not starting with ourselves? Lets show them how it's supposed to be done, for we ourselves are mere teens too, maybe not by age, but by readiness for such responsibilities to be true. 

By P. Peddie 

July 23,2014.  

Oh Girl, Oh Flame

Oh flame, oh how brightly you glow, you’re good and you’re bad just like someone I know. You smile brightly to give us light yet you burn when you’re touched, without saying sorry, without even saying hush. Same way she made me smile, she gave my love life light, she had my heart for quite a while, then she left it all charred and burnt, without explanation, without a good reason, oh how much it hurt.

Oh flame, who is to blame? I should want you no longer, but without you the nights are dark, I can’t find my way, I can’t see the path. I could find other means of light, but none would be like you, so natural so bright. Oh girl, for you it’s the same, the same darkness, the same pain. I could replace you, I’ve tried it numerous times but it just never feels the same.

Oh girl, I hope you’re kept under control or else you’ll be on a roll, a trail of broken hearts, a trail of confused thoughts… Oh flame I wish nothing but the same, I’d hate to see a wild fire, no wind, no rain.

Oh girl, oh flame, so much alike, almost the same, such a beauty to see yet you can cause so much pain. I know I can keep you under control, If only I could get you back my way. You’re my light, you’re my joy, oh girl, oh flame, come back to me, no more darkness, no more pain, from you I’ll never refrain…

By P. Peddie

Oct. 25, 2009.

Innocent Criminal

That's who I am, but before you start to judge me, let me explain the lyrics to my song. Just incase it doesn't make sense to you, just incase you don't agree, I'm still gonna explain, for as much as I'm innocent, I admit, I'm a criminal for real. 

Innocent because I started out pure at heart, innocent because it didn't have to reach the bad part. Innocent because, well because my intentions weren't bad, because I tried the way you told me, but when it didn't work out, that's when I got mad. You said go to school and get good grades, come out successful and get that job you crave, it wasn't easy, believe me it's the truth, I wasn't born as privileged as you, the only thing we share in common is the gift of life, yea I got it too. Criminal because you lied to me, where's the job that you provided for me? I did what you said and I did it to my best, the education wasn't free I borrowed from you to come out fruitfully. So why now do you want to put me behind bars, you said you would provide for me so I could pay you back and play my part, before I go to jail I'd rather do something to deserve that sentence, I hope you understand me, for This is the only time i'll explain using a sentence. 

To every action there is a reaction, for every labor there's fruit to pay, I used one scenario of my life to explain my dismay, yet so many remain. I started out innocent, I was made guilty by default, don't let them trick you, follow your own heart. 

An innocent criminal, that's who I am, I accept that I was wrong, but understand where in coming from. 

By P. Peddie 

June 8, 2014. 

Caged

We are caged in so many different ways, we fail to believe it, we fail to open our eyes and see it. But it is true, So what are we now gonna do? Will we continue to be blinded by the things  they've given us, the things that they have used to keep us amused, while they carry on their onslaught and abuse?

In a time far greater than my age, they had a few ways in which we were enslaved, chains and shackles, cuffs and cords, yet as years went by that's when they saw, that those things could no longer hold a few, the few which opened the eyes of the masses, the Martin Luthers, the Marcus Garvey, the Rosa Parks, the Maya Angelou just to name a few. 

So we were freed in a sense, freed for a while, freed, but with a different meaning than normally revised. They gave us access to things that occupy our minds, things that amuse, things that are one of a kind, things that only they could afford, things that blinds our eyes. When will we like our ancestors refuse to be bounded once more? When will we even force them to find another means once more? When will technology be the tool that helps to set us free? Instead of the things that keep us occupied while they abuse us willfully. 

Who are the saviors of our time? Will our children grow to be enslaved like us, won't we make a change for them? If not even a change for a lifetime won't we even let them fight their own chains and shackles? When will we realize that we are the ones growing to replace the people who create the cages, the people who put people in the cages, and the people behind the bars, not even looking outside but amused by the things they've placed inside. 

Open your eyes, find a way to break free, I'm using the amusement to send this out to you all as my plea, either use it as an aid or turn your eyes from it and try to break free. 

By P. Peddie

June 8, 2014. 

Against All Odds (Thanks to Jenine for helping with the title)

A thousand times I thought I had it all planned, pen to paper, recited it like a song. Yet for all the times I thought I had it planned, to prove me wrong the universe had a thousand and one. 

The only thing that outweighed the truth, is my faith that always multiplied times two. There were days when I thought for sure this was it, I'm gonna give up, man I can't take it, but I didn't know how, what does one do when they've given up? 

It wasn't in my being, this giving up stuff, I tried a few times, but man did I suck. Got so bored, twist and turn, didn't know what to do, that's the worst five minutes I've ever been through.

I was left only with all I had ever known, trying, trying until I make it on my own, well not completely alone, for The Lord always sends someone so I don't have to do everything alone. 

Hard a road as ever, but I'll continue to press on forever, my life might not end up as huge as many, but as long as I continue to press hard, it'll come out the way it should, and that will make me whole, because I did all I could.  

By P. Peddie 

July 8, 2014. 

A Sorry Servant

 How can I be so blind? How can I put my savior behind? Yet put him in the forefront when trouble appears... Why didn't I have him beside me all along? Why am I such a user to the only true love I know? 

Yes, most times I do thank him when things go right, yet in the neutral times I forget to give praise, but I never forget when trouble comes my way. To beg and plead and make promises that don't make it past a few days. 

What more evidence do I need, that this man is evident in my life indeed? Yet I get carried away by man made things, human mistakes. What do I ask for at times when I pray? Material things, the same things at times I put above him. I'm a vessel of sin, with a small light of Christ within, a light which burns bright when fueled by praise, yet I wait and wait until there's almost no flame, before I shower it with praise just so it burns for another day. 

I forget to ask to be drawn closer to thee, a better life for my brothers and compassionate hearts for my aunts, a better life for me and my enemies. What kind of person am I? Yet amidst all my sins and my lack of praise,  he still gives me life day after day. 

When I awake, firstly I get aggravated about the hour in which I have to rise, even more aggravated when I can't stop to get a cup of coffee as the day lights, blinded to the fact that I still have life, blinded to the fact that I should've awoken happily in praise. Happily regardless of the little things, I should've given praise.  

I know I am not alone in falling short in what I have been given life to do, and so I call on you father, with this little prayer to you.  Forgive me of my daily sins, help me to remember my purpose on this earth, to give praises to you and to help bring others closer to you. You know my weaknesses lord and I ask you to help and make me strong, help me not to be susceptible to the ill faiths of man. I pray you cleanse me of my sins and give me a new beginning, and if ever I forget to give thanks remind me in your way lord amen. 

By P.Peddie 

Jan. 14.2014