How can I put into words what I feel? Could this be real? That I'm lost for words with all these emotions I feel? I guess I'm just overwhelmed, sinking, drowning within myself...
How should I view myself? When my past keeps telling me I'm a wonderful individual, just not enough, just never enough, always second to someone that's sometimes even fifteen places behind. Its always a little too late, a little too early, or a pretentious reality that lives it's short life and leaves me behind...
Why am I treated so unkind, by something that engulfes me within, by something that keeps me together, something that brings me to life, yet rips me apart and leaves me behind, keeping a small flame burning so I can find its trail, so I can find my way and fall again, so I can fall and not be caught, so I can hurt, soul to core, left to be burdened by these thoughts, left to mend my already tattered heart...
I keep seeing how strong I am, cause I keep picking myself up and as if programmed, go again. Yet so stupid to again, try to fly, after having fallen so many times. But nothing burns such a raging fire within me, such a beautiful yet dangerous flame, such an intriguing and mysterious display, something from which I can't refrain.
And as time continues, I stop asking questions, for as sad as it feels I see no other path for me, and no matter how broken, I will eventually mend, and I will go again, for love flows through my veins, and though it's the fire that burns my core, it's the rain that moistens my soul.
By Paul B. Peddie
Sept. 18, 2015.
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