Trying to attain that which my heart has long yearned for, tried all I could and even what I thought I couldn't just to make a part of me happy, but somehow couldn't reach it, no matter how I stretched my all, still couldn't reach, Oh how I wish It was a bruised elbow, a bruised chin, or even a bruised knee, but I kept falling and each time I fell, it bruised me.
I tried, I dropped some of me while trying to attain, my ego, my shame, and sometimes it feels I dropped even my dignity, all to no avail. Other times, I latched on to my pride, fumbled but still caught my self worth, all for what, all for me to return, to try again, yet to only gain, intermittent happiness and inevitable heartbreaks.
Someone once said to me, that love is blind, yet always seems to find, but now I see, that love has never been the blind one, it has always been me, chasing after fairytales giving too much of me, to people who apparently didn't really think that much of me. Do you know how it feels? Scraping what u can of your dignity, your self worth, your pride, that u threw to the floor, after u tried to read, tried to sing, tried to harmonize your heart to someone only to find they had their ears plugged, tried to show parts of you, that to even u, were new, just to find fendy shades had them blind.
Do you know how it feels to give up? not something I normally do, but shall I not try to save what's left of me, for someone who'll appreciate the rest of me, someone who can still love, bruised me.
Never thought I'd be saying this but, I give up. I really wanted this but, it costs too much. I should only work on making u happy, then why am I worried about my happiness this much, it's because Noone else does, so let me refocus, before I get bruised too much.
By Paul B. Peddie
Aug. 19th 2019.
I tried, I dropped some of me while trying to attain, my ego, my shame, and sometimes it feels I dropped even my dignity, all to no avail. Other times, I latched on to my pride, fumbled but still caught my self worth, all for what, all for me to return, to try again, yet to only gain, intermittent happiness and inevitable heartbreaks.
Someone once said to me, that love is blind, yet always seems to find, but now I see, that love has never been the blind one, it has always been me, chasing after fairytales giving too much of me, to people who apparently didn't really think that much of me. Do you know how it feels? Scraping what u can of your dignity, your self worth, your pride, that u threw to the floor, after u tried to read, tried to sing, tried to harmonize your heart to someone only to find they had their ears plugged, tried to show parts of you, that to even u, were new, just to find fendy shades had them blind.
Do you know how it feels to give up? not something I normally do, but shall I not try to save what's left of me, for someone who'll appreciate the rest of me, someone who can still love, bruised me.
Never thought I'd be saying this but, I give up. I really wanted this but, it costs too much. I should only work on making u happy, then why am I worried about my happiness this much, it's because Noone else does, so let me refocus, before I get bruised too much.
By Paul B. Peddie
Aug. 19th 2019.
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